My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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