Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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