Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
