what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
