So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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