Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
