so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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