you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
