May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
