those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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