also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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