I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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