so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
