you traded sex for a burrito?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
