i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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