Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
