I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
