Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
