you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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