Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
