FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
