I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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