I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
