i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
