Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
