god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
