Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
