I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All the doctor said was why
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
