I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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