He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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