Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
