Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
