Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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