i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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