it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
