i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
