In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
