I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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