she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
