Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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