sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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