You can't special order awesome
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
