I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
