the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
