its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
