He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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