he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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