The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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