Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
