Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
