just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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