He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
