There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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