I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
