Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
