I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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