There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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