I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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