Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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