normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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