i barfeds in our rink
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
