Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I want to fling myself into the sun
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
