i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize