I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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