On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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