he shaved USA in his pubs
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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