At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
