To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
