she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
