And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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