I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
