I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize