Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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